When Doves Cry
by JerichoSteele
Summary: Tag to 'Blame It on Rio' Season 7 episode 5. I was a little peeved at Kensi for the way she acted around DiNozzo and the crappy way she treated Deeks. This is my attempt to vent for myself and to rectify the pain that Deeks hid so well during the show.


**When Doves Cry**

...

"So …" Kensi slipped into the armory, watching her partner/boyfriend as he scrubbed a bristle brush along the slide of his disassembled pistol. " … this is where you vanished to?"

Deeks wasn't sure if she meant it as a question or a statement, and in his current mood, he really didn't want to care. He'd needed to clean his weapon after the shootout at the hotel and since he'd been busy writing his report for the LAPD while the rest of the team had taken care of theirs, he was left to do it all by himself. It stung that it had taken the better part of an hour for Kensi to either find him or bother to look in the first place.

"Yeah, you know how Hetty is about the readiness of our weapons." His emotionless response sounded hollow even in his own ears, so he tried to lighten it a little. "I don't think she's forgiven me for the last time I forgot."

Kensi didn't respond as she moved to stand at his side, leaning her hip against the table in the center of the room. She picked up the lower receiver, consisting of the pistol grip and the magazine well, and began to run an oily rag across the metal surface. As she moved, Deeks caught the scent of the lavender and cinnamon body wash that she loved so much, and he did too … but there was another smell that made his stomach clench into a tight knot.

Cologne.

Sharp and pungent. Musky and heady at the same time.

And definitely not his.

DiNozzo.

 _Son. Of. A. Bitch._

It must have transferred when she gave him that overly friendly hug in the bullpen before he left to fly back to DC. It had almost surprised the detective that his partner/girlfriend hadn't volunteered to escort the very well-dressed agent to the airport. Hell, from the way she'd been flirting with the man, he wouldn't have been shocked if she'd offered to drive him all the way to the East coast.

 _Don't get mad … let it go._

He wanted to, he really did … but it was eating away at him and he knew that sooner or later, they were going to have to hash it out. When Kensi cleared her throat, it seemed that fate had stepped in once again.

"Does this mean that you're done being 'weird'?" She even made air quotes.

Deeks' hands dropped to the table top, the slide making a soft 'thump' sound when it hit the pad. "Define _weird._ "

Kensi glanced at him over her shoulder. "Well, for starters … how about that ridiculous Uma suit you had on first thing this morning. Good grief Deeks, if you're going to shock me like that, how about next time you give me a head's up?"

When she saw his face fall, she knew that was the wrong thing to say. Her partner's countenance went from slightly miffed to … _hurt_? Then he turned his head away from her and found something interesting on the wall in the far corner to hold his attention. Kensi waited a moment before leaning to the side so she could poke his bicep with her finger.

"Deeks?"

His lack of response caused her 'something's wrong' meter to spike.

"Hey, partner … what's up?"

After taking a deep breath, he turned back to face her, his familiar smile plastered on his face in such a way that she knew it was forced. "Nothing … nothing … just got a lot on my mind."

Kensi wasn't buying it but the small twinkle in his eyes made her think that maybe she was reading more into his mood that she should. She took a deep breath and let it all slowly, waiting to see if his body language would give anything away. When nothing shifted, she simply nodded, pushing herself off the edge of the table. "Do you want me to go ahead and order the Chinese for tonight?"

When he didn't respond as quickly as he usually would, she stopped moving.

"Uh … yeah … about that." He now looked nervous, like he knew that she wasn't going to like what he said. "I've got some things to tie up over at the precinct … so we might want to make tonight our night off."

Still thinking that she was reading his mood all wrong, Kensi tried to keep the conversation lite. "But we were going to stay up and watch the 'Halloween' Movie Marathon … it starts at eight."

Deeks let his eyes fall to the disassembled gun on the table. "I'm just not feeling up to it tonight … I'll DVR it for us and maybe we can catch it later."

"Are you serious?"

He only nodded and her heart suddenly felt like it wanted to stop beating. He was always the one that fought against her when she mentioned taking a night off and this sudden one-eighty was making her dizzy.

"Yeah … I think so."

This was her moment to agree and bid him a soft good-bye, slip him a reassuring kiss and head out to find something to occupy her for the evening. But the bad vibe that he'd been putting off even before agent DiNozzo had arrived wasn't lessening and she knew that if she left it alone it might fester into something bigger than it should be.

"Okay … but on one condition."

He looked up at her with a raised eyebrow and before he could agree or disagree, Kensi pressed on, dropping her hand to rest gently on his shoulder. It startled her when he spun away, allowing her hand to slip from where it was touching him to fall awkwardly to her side.

Deeks walked over to the large window that faced the shooting range then turned back to face her, resting his back against the ballistic glass. "Okay."

Kensi didn't hesitate or mince her words that came out in a harsh whisper. "You have to tell me what the hell is wrong!" When his eyes fell to look at the floor at his feet, it took all of her will power not to run over and tug him into her arms.

"You're gonna think it's stupid …"

"Deeks …"

He knew that he had to explain why his mood had turned even more sour as the day progressed, he'd just hoped that she would leave it alone until tomorrow and he had calmed down a little bit more. "Alright … I wore that stupid, canary-yellow monstrosity for you."

His statement caught her so off-guard that she couldn't help the small snigger that escaped before she could stop herself. The look that formed on his face told her that her list of mistakes on this day had just grown longer.

"See … told you that you would think it's stupid." He pushed off the window and turned toward the exit.

"No … Deeks … I'm sorry …" She reached out to stop him but he did it himself. Kensi wasn't sure if he only did it so he could finally explain of if it was to avoid having her touch him again.

When he started talking, he was looking at the weapons case at the far end of the room. "When I was helping you unpack those boxes you brought to our place … I found a bunch of old posters …"

Kensi's mind tried desperately to remember what had been in those boxes but she'd packed them so quickly she wasn't able to recall anything specific.

"There were some Led Zeppelin, The Who, even a Stevie Wonder … but then I found an entire cache of Bruce Lees …"

 _The Bruce references … the yellow jump suit … ah, shit!_

He was talking again before she could find the words.

" … there was the one with him in that suit … and I had this stupid idea that if I wore one like your hero, that maybe you would appreciate the gesture." His voice was sad but no more so than what Kensi was feeling about how her boyfriend had tried to do something sweet and thoughtful … and she'd crapped all over it.

"I knew that Sam and Callen would make fun of me … took me forever to work up the guts to actually walk out into the gym in that thing." Deeks ran his hand through his hair, his tell that he was both nervous and even a little fearful.

"De … _Marty_ …"

"I know it looked ridiculous … but … I just wanted to … you know … "

Kensi took a step toward him but when his body stiffened; she paused for a moment as she decided if he still needed to finish his thoughts.

"Then very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo waltzes right off a GQ photo shoot and I'm standing there looking like a complete buffoon …" His voice was dropping to another octave, the one that let her know that he was hurt … and angry. " … and it's not ten minutes later before my _girlfriend_ starts gushing all over him about how much she likes a man who dresses his age … and how good he looks in his suit." He'd almost spit the words out.

"Babe … I'm sorry … "

He continues as if he didn't hear her or doesn't care. "That suit costs more than I make in a month! How in the hell am I supposed to compete with that?!"

This time she does move to be closer and when he steps further away, she can't hide the hurt that courses through her. "No … _no_ … Marty, you don't have to …"

"To what? Worry that someone that dresses … looks … speaks … better than I do will turn your head?"

"That's not what happened!" Kensi tries not to, but her defenses are beginning to kick in and she forgets that she was trying to keep this light so that they would end up together tonight. The longer this escalates, the slimmer those chances are growing.

"Isn't it!? Mr. Super Duper Agent man walks in here and my partner … my _lover_ … immediately starts off making fun of the way I dress … the way I talk …" Deeks' shoulders are now up around his ears and he's fighting a losing battle with holding anything back. " … then when I think it can't get any worse, she consistently choses to team up with him throughout the day … _I'll go with DiNozzo …DiNozzo and I will take it … DiNozzo and I will head into the hotel … DiNozzo, you ever think about coming out to the west coast? …_ and that sexy voice you used when you took the call on _his_ phone? You almost slapped me the last time I touched yours!"

In that moment, Kensi realized that the comms had been open and that her boyfriend and partner had heard everything in her conversation with the agent from DC. "Babe … _please_ …"

But he wasn't listening. "You forget that I know you better than you think you know yourself … I watched you last week, when you were smoozing the billionaire money launderer for domestic terrorists … there was a part of you that enjoyed that life … that _wanted_ it."

In a moment of personal honesty, Kensi realized that he was right; the cars, the jewelry, the expensive dinners … it had all been nice and flattering. She let out a long sigh and took a small step closer. "Deeks … yeah babe, it was nice … but I choose you … I want to be with you."

"Until anther sharp looking man walks by and spins your head." He said it like the words tasted like bile in his throat and when he finally turned to look at her, she saw only hurt and pain swimming in the depths of his Pacific blues.

"That's not what happened … "

He stepped toward her and for a moment, she almost fell away from his harsh gaze. "It's not? Then this must be some sort of revenge for the way Talia acted when she was here. Is that what that hug you gave him was all about?!"

Just the mention of the woman who Kensi thought understood the new level of her 'thing' with Deeks was enough to send her blood pressure spiking. "Look, this has nothing to do with her …"

"Then what is it Kensi?"

It was the first time he'd called her by her name and it shamed her that it actually hurt when he did.

Deeks saw the hurt on her face and wanted to do nothing than make this all go away. But this new level of 'all in' required a lot more effort to make it work than simple banter or flirting … and he wanted her so much that he wasn't prepared to back away from something that if not addressed now, could become something too big to deal with down the road. He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath then let it out slowly. It did feel like some of the anger and stress left with the air as it left his lungs, making it marginally better.

"Kens …" It was a plea and a wish all wrapped up in her name. " … I just … sometimes I feel like I'm not enough … that I'll never be enough for you … you deserve so much more than I could ever …"

Her lips on his cut him off and it only took him a second to react. One hand went to her waist to pin her against him while the other tangled in her long, dark hair to cup the back of her skull. Deeks tipped her head slightly to deepen their kiss, tasting both his and her tears on his lips. She moaned when he slipped his tongue between her opening lips but after a moment, he realized that she wasn't moaning, she was saying something even while kissing him as if her life depended on it.

 _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry …_

Kensi had feared that he would push her away when she crashed her lips to his, but her heart fluttered back to life when his strong arms wrapped around her possessively, fussing their bodies together. She could feel the thump-thump of his heart against her breast and the heat from his hands was doing wonders to her core low in her abdomen. A small whimper of disappointment slipped out when he pulled back but she was relieved when he kept her pinned against him, realizing that he was just catching his breath. Before he could speak again, she covered his mouth with her hand, forcing him to look down at her.

"You said what was on your heart … now it's my turn." She waited for him to nod and thankful that he didn't lick her palm as he had the last time. "I'm sorry babe …" She kissed the tip of his nose to accentuate her apology. " … maybe I was still a little out of sorts about Talia … and the model from last week …" She shushed him when he tried to speak through her hand. " … shhhhhhhh … _my turn._ "

Deeks fought the urge to lick her skin, instead telling her with his eyes that he would behave. Mostly. Just getting it all off his chest had made him feel so much better and the regret in her eyes was telling him that maybe this conversation was exactly what they had needed.

"I'm sorry for acting that way … and I'm ashamed that I made you feel that you aren't enough …" She tilted his head down to kiss his eyebrow, dragging her tongue across his skin to elicit a soft moan from his sealed mouth. " … you are more than enough Marty … you are _everything_ … and you are my hero … you save me every day … from bad guys … and even from myself." A single tear slipped down her cheek and she wasn't sure if it was hers or his.

"I'm still learning how to do this … _us_ … both here and at home. It's been so long since I've been in anything this deep and I lose myself in the contentment of it … I took it for granted that you would be hurt if I treated you the way that I did." It surprised her how easy that calling the house that they were sharing 'home' had felt when it fell from her lips and the smile that formed on his face behind her hand warmed her soul. "I may have tried too hard to make us look like 'just partners' to Agent DiNozzo and I truly regret that what I did hurt the man that I love."

She saw the tears forming in his eyes so she slid her hand from his mouth and rested it against his cheek, framing his face with the other as well. "And I do Marty … I … Love … You." She punctuated each word with a soft kiss to his lips. "And I can only ask and hope that you can forgive me."

Deeks tugged her head to rest under his chin and held her almost tight enough to hurt. Yes, he'd been hurt by her actions that day and it would be a while before the memory of that pain fully evaporated but when Kensi Bad-Ass Blye apologized for something, she meant it from the bottom of her heart. His lips dropped to press into her hair and he inhaled the scent of the shampoo that was sitting on the shelf in the shower that they shared together more than they did apart.

When he hadn't said anything, a sliver of worry crept up Kensi's spine as she wondered if this meant that she was destined to spend the night alone and worried the rift between them wasn't as easily repaired as she had hoped. Leaning back in his arms, she hesitated before looking up at him but when she did, she caught the familiar smirk that he reserved only for her.

"You order the Chinese and I'll finish putting my gun back together." He kissed her quickly before dancing away toward the table.

Kensi laugh snorted before she could catch herself as he shook his ass playfully. They weren't quite back to where they needed to be and that was on her to repair the damage. Luckily she had another idea to help. As her fingers slid over the screen on her phone to their go-to takeout place, she watched him quickly reassemble his weapon and begin to return the cleaning materials to their normal resting place.

"Deeks?"

He responded without looking at her. "Yeah?"

"About that yellow jumpsuit?"

"You mean the One-sie from hell?"

Her lips curled into a smile as his humor returned. "Yeah … that one. Can you do me a favor?"

"Burn it?"

"Stop! No … I was just wondering …"

When she paused, he finally turned to glance her way. "Wondering what?"

Kensi's smile morphed into something almost predatory. "I was wondering … how much fun it would be to peel you out of it."

Later that night, with half eaten Chinese takeout littering their coffee table and John Carpenter's eternal classic 'Halloween' droning on in the back-ground, they both found out exactly how much 'fun' it was … and then, just for grins and giggles, they did it again.

…

 **A/N: I had intended this little one-shot as an avenue to vent my displeasure with Kensi's actions in the last episode and had planned a much darker ending and without a true resolution to the issue between them. But for some reason, the story wanted to go in the lighter direction the closer we got to the end, so I hope you still liked it. I almost had Deeks leave Kensi in the armory and take the night off but I guess the hopeless romantic in me wouldn't let it go that way.**

 **Semper Fi**

 **JS**


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